Ashley Cain posted an emotional message to his Instagram Stories on Monday night as he visited the grave of his daughter.
The reality TV star and his partner Safiyya Vorajee have been making daily visits to baby Azaylia’s resting place since her funeral on May 21.
And in a heartbreaking message in darkness on Monday night, 30-year-old Ashley admitted he will have to “live haunted by the fact my daughter passed away in my arms counting her last breaths”.
Earlier in the day he had described how there “isn’t a day that you don’t feel sad or pain” and said you get “constantly haunted by what’s happened”.
Then as the night descended, he described his “life now as a devoted dad to the most beautiful baby a father could wish for” and panned the camera around to the eight-month-old’s beautifully decorated memorial grave.
Talking to the camera, Ashley fought back the tears and said: “When everything in my life felt bad I used to see her face. It made everything better. Now I can never do that again.”
He continued to say he’ll have to live with that for the rest of his life and said how he will continue to visit her grave and talk to her for hours on end.
He explained that, while he missed her, what hurts him the most is that her life was full of pain with wires in her chest and nose and was a life spent in a hospital room.
“Even though she didn’t show, I know she was going through pain,” he tearfully said. “I’ve got to live haunted by the fact that my daughter passed away in my arms counting her breaths.
“I feel for that little girl so much.”
Ashley then shared a poignant message alongside an image of the grave which read: “Goodnight God bless to my daughter, my hero and the strongest, most beautiful person I know. You will live in my heart, my soul and my spirit forever!”
A few hours later he returned to his story to make sure people knew he was okay.
He added: “I want everyone to know they don’t need to worry about me. My daughter fought so hard for her life that I would never ever give mine up.”
He courageously said he was dedicated to setting up a charity that will help other families get through tough times.
“If I can make a little bit of a difference that’s what I want to do,” he continued. “I will go to the lengths of every corner of the Earth to do that and to honour my daughter’s name.”
He asked that his followers continue to support him when the charity is set up and told them he will “keep on going” until he has “done all I can do”.
He thanked supporters who had been encouraging him in the street and signed off by saying “God bless you”.
* If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Together for Short Lives. You can call them on 0808 8088 100 or find out more at http://www.togetherforshortlives.org.uk