On the surface, Hillbilly Elegy doesn’t appear to have a tremendous amount going for it. It’s the story of Amy Adams crying and smoking with a bad haircut, as if she’s run out of ways to convince people to give her an Oscar and is just trying anything now. It looks less like a film and more like a compilation tape of scenes where two wet-eyed people attempt to out-shout each other in different locations. Its trailer is soundtracked by the sort of faux-inspirational music that anonymous multinationals use to soundtrack shale gas hub commercials on news channels that are only ever watched in hotels.
However, you will watch Hillbilly Elegy, and you will watch it for one reason. Glenn Close is in it, playing a character best described as Jeremy Kyle Mrs Doubtfire, and it looks for all the world like she’s having a blast. I predict that Glenn Close’s Hillbilly Elegy character will be your next style icon, and here are all her looks from the trailer, ranked.
7. Medical gown
In seventh and last place, Glenn Close seriously ill in hospital. Although her medical gown is nicely decorated, being as it is embellished with a few pastel-coloured impressionist smears, this is still a difficult look to pull off in the street. Not even the most ardent Glennhead would dare to be seen in public with their bum hanging out of a semi-disposable robe.
6. Lavender tunic
This, meanwhile, is delightful. It’s a sort of lavender tunic that appears to double as a sort of jumped-up Magic Eye puzzle. Relax your eyes too much before this outfit and who knows what three-dimensional forms might lunge out at you. However, points must nevertheless be deducted for the sheer intensity of Close’s face. Admittedly this is a particularly intense scene – Amy Adams is about to scream “HOO-HAH HOO!” at her – but it takes work to raise that many neck veins, and who has time for work these days?
5. Grey T-shirt
A plain grey T-shirt. That’s it. We’ve all got one, and we could all wear one tomorrow if it wasn’t for the fact that it would mean comparing ourselves to Glenn Close; a battle that we could only ever lose.
4. Denim shirt
As we reach the upper stages of the Glenn Close Hillbilly Elegy-A-Ron-Howard-Film lookbook, it’s time to get utilitarian. This is a simple denim shirt worn over a white T-shirt. She could be anyone here: a blue-collar worker, Jay Leno, one of the cast of Grease, Timothée Chalamet. But in truth, she could only ever be Glenn Close’s Hillbilly Elegy character. This is because, unlike anyone I just mentioned, only she looks like she’s a millisecond away from headbutting you and then bursting into tears.
4. Aztec-pattern dress
The bad news is that this scene looks a lot like it takes place at a funeral. The good news, however, is that Glenn Close is rocking the heck out of it. A conservative black outfit simply isn’t for her; not when she can go absolutely out of her mind on gold Aztec patterns. But the outfit isn’t the real star here. That’s her hair. Because it takes guts – real guts – to rock up at a funeral looking like a cow is in the middle of farting directly into your face.
2. Blue kitten T-shirt
Now we’re getting to the good stuff. These are the outfits that will propel everyone through the next five or six Halloweens. The T-shirt is powder blue. There is a kitten on it, drawn in the style of an old Athena poster. The kitten is sitting within a wreath of what might be daffodils. Twenty years ago, this is something that Johnny Knoxville would ironically wear on Jackass. But here, my God, Glenn Close is owning it. Extra points for the context of this scene, in which she attempts to kill a terminator with her fingers.
1. Puppy T-shirt
And finally, a look so iconic that it may as well be the poster for this godforsaken film. Glenn Close, looking nonplussed, blowing cigarette smoke out of the corner of her mouth while wearing a T-shirt of a cartoon puppy in a Santa hat. If you see one of these T-shirts in a shop tomorrow, buy as many as you can. They’ll be worth a fortune when this film is out.